Break Free

It Starts Within – By J. R. Perez

Question of the day: What exactly will it take for any lost soul to Break Free? We all enjoy declaring the moments, where we could post on some company’s front page every accomplishments made on our own behalf, but we dred the revelations given on our failures. Failure is a tricky topic for many in this world generally, because most of us (myself included) have consumed the bitter taste of those encounters and allowed the derailment from the path of achievement to Interpersonally lash out on others with an abundance of self-shame and guilt.
Inconveniently, we tend to view the landscape of our vast blueprint puzzle for errors and imperfections, but conveniently we seem to overlook one key spot. we forget about ourselves.

As much as we despise the thought, the one thing that can corrupt all other qualities each one of us special In this world would be our own self serving egos. It doesn’t matter how young or old we are, it will be a continuous battle for the unwilling to actually break free  from this area that we covet so dearly. Here’s one of my minor/major subliminal questions (speaking from self experience) to reflect upon and answer — Where did that self serving ego “originate” from?  

This next message given is strictly for those who are married, or parents like myself. it doesn’t matter whether you are working as a couple, separated, or as a single parent. like if you understand. When i was a child, meaning in my adolescence and beginning to subconsciously listen to the sounds of my mixed emotions stir, and various voices began debating In a misunderstood language to me, I found a new untamable spirit voice within that continued to get louder as time went on long enough for me to find a form of comfort in it. The voice was always bold and carefree with every viewpoint and subject chosen, but only reserved its expression to similar relatable subject. I also found that on most occasions in the beginning, I would drown myself in deep mental ;conversations with the voice after experiencing the ongoing discomforts with either one or both of my birth parents (YES – THAT’S WHEN IT STARTED FOR ME.). Even then, I found torn at my emotions between my parents. If the younger me could have understood the term Dysfunctional Family then… For years, my feeling were always on the fence when it came to my family for numerous reasons. There were always arguments and fights, plus I felt as if either I was simply too much of a distraction for either to think about genuinely (like the rest of my siblings who were too afraid to show how they felt), or constantly left feeling neglected and as if I was not there. Speaking to myself made me shutdown on many levels and the voice in my head allowed a sense of liberation. Who would have ever known at my age that later on, I would find out the identity of the voice was named the “Spirit Of Anger.”

There’s Always An Anchor

It’s sad in my generational era, I can accept that my tardiness to lean on the good moments that had kept me through the duration of late youth stages, are related to my succumbing persistence in riding my anger. That means basically I did have a strong family member in my life and mines never settled for anything less than saying words that forced me to draw back ever so often and remember. During that time, there was only one amazing member who I would listen to above others. That was my Grandma. I remember telling my Grandma years ago that being too high off the ground scared me. She said “Baby, you’re a Water Child born in the Summer.” I said to her “Is that why I like boats so much?” and she responded “It’s always best to know how to swim first.” I ended up asking her were boats safer than planes and she only said to me that neither of the two are guaranteed, but if you’re in a boat and you choose to find a way to sit still in it –  There’s Always An Anchor for that. If no one heard the message in that statement, just take a moment to reflect on it…

The Change – It Starts Within 

The ending statement I left on comes with a intimately significant answer. She was my anchor that I chose. So here’s my last question: How many of us can admit that we found a sturdy Anchor in the midst of all the Dysfunction? Not many will openly answer that question at first glance or upon hearing, but subconsciously everyone has an answer whether they want to accept it yet or not.

I have plenty of individuals that I know and speak to regularly ready to disagree with my theory. So lets take a deeper glance into this. Let’s say as an example that I was a male who knew nothing else in my “immediate upbringing” anything other that drama and deception from those in my family around me. My mother and father were two souls, cut from totally different cloths as far as how they were raised, and yet had the same things in common. They knew how to hustle anything to survive and both lived life with serious trust issues (Especially with each other). I might have respected the male presence to some degree, but for some reason I found myself more attached to my mother, because when it came to making money and staying ever so relevant — she was the epitome of a capitalist in that department. However, seeing my folks take the solo route and Break Free from each other left me with a personal lesson to swallow, but for some reason I could never the purpose for being forced to eat a burden that wasn’t mines, and overtime the only sensation I found myself comfortable accepting was anger – My most Challenging Dysfunction. This decision also empowered me to decisively choose the role within my siblings as the alpha male, along with a not so crafty choice to approach the outside world with a display of dominance to all and trust for no one. Why wouldn’t I? There wasn’t anyone else around to stand in my way and tell me that say “You’re doing this All Wrong Son…” Except for maybe my Grandmother. Out of everyone else in the family, she would more likely have been the only one to maintain the true family order and uphold the principles, even when her own children knew better but chose to go astray.

The moral of what I am saying is this. We’ve all been around that individual in our lives, who found a way to leave behind monumental statements that always found a return trip into our minds. Those same words are the mortar holding up what is left of who we truly are and the only individuals responsible for destroying what’s left are the faces we see when we are alone in the confines of our bathrooms staring at the mirror. If you want to Break Free – It Starts Within… It Starts With You!

J. R. Perez